I am also your friend.

I've been seeing a lot of backlash about differing parenting styles recently. People saying you have to be hard on your children because the world is a hard place and you can't let them grow up to be wimps.  I sometimes hold my tongue.  I'm afraid to offend people with my views. Maybe this is the problem? The people shoving people around and bullying them, the people who don't believe there's more than one right way to do something - they have LOUD voices. Mine? Not so much.

There are things I agree with and things I don't. Things like not keeping score? No... That's all kinds of ridiculous. How will they learn to try harder if there's nothing to strive for, no reason to practice before next week's game so they can try to win? Not apologizing to your kid when you yell at them out of frustration because you're the "parent" and you shouldn't have to? No. Not cool man. We all slip, we all yell when we shouldn't. Man up and admit that you were wrong. Build a relationship of trust with your kids. Help them become better people. They're the ones who are going to be taking care of you when you're older... or not.

The hugely obvious one that I absolutely hate is "I'm not your friend. I'm your parent." I hate this idea and that adorable little image that's been making the rounds on pinterest and facebook.

I hate it so much that I felt compelled to rework it into a an adorable little image of my own. However, as I hit google to look up the original for context, I stumbled upon this little beauty at Wabi-Sabi Home and Garden

She beat me to it (by over a year.) There's no point in making my own because her's is PERFECT.  I'm not sure she's blogging any longer, but I want to thank her for her words and I want THIS to be the image making the rounds on pinterest and facebook because parenting is important. Building the next generation is important but we also need to teach them how to do more than just survive in this world. We need to teach them how to make it better, because in the words of Dr. Suess "Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It's not." ~ The Lorax *hint, it applies to more than just the environment.

So when my daughter has a nightmare and needs a hug and a few extra cuddles at 3am. I will hug her and lay with her even though I need to be up at 7am and the baby had me up at 1am. When she needs help retying her laces for the 15th time, I will take a deep breath and slowly show her how one more time rather than insisting she wears velcro. When my son wakes up for the 3rd time and just needs to know someone is there, we will not make him cry it out. We will stop and smell the roses, we will dance to the music and we will climb that tree one more time even though I'm tired and just want to go home. 

We will teach them to be responsible, caring, kind and thoughtful adults. (Mark will have to teach them math - sorry babe that's on you.) 

Afterthought. 

Okay I've been thinking about it. The first time I saw the "Not your friend" graphic I was hit by a wave of hunh? Of course I promptly forgot exactly what it was that made my eyebrow go up. I've remembered now.

They say, I'm not your friend, I will lecture you, I will drive you crazy. My very best friends are the ones who explain to me, IN DEPTH, why I'm wrong or being an idiot. My best friends DO drive me insane and they'd better be the ones making me come home when I'm out trying to do something stupid. If I've chosen my friends right that is. These are the hallmarks of real friendship. The idiot that encourages you to drink a bottle of whiskey and try to hop a fence at the zoo? That's not a friend. That's an idiot you hang out with. I don't disagree that a parent should be doing those things. I disagree that you can't be a friend whilst doing them.