Tipping.

Okay No. Maybe I don't understand tipping. Maybe I'm cheap. Call me jaded. I don't care, but don't ask me to pre-tip for a service that I'm already paying for.

I have, for the first time in my entire life, ordered the newspaper to be delivered. Not the daily paper, just the Sunday beast. The one with all the lovely coupons and comics in it. News? News I can get online.

I sign up for the paper. They tell me what it'll cost. With the promo code I have it works out at $1 a week, which is nice because with tax the paper cost me $2.14 at the mall last week. A dollar I can swing. But what's with the empty little box at the bottom of the page asking me to insert an amount as a tip for my carrier. What am I tipping them for? I'm ordering delivery service. I pay their boss, their boss pays them. Are they going to bring the newspaper to my door, say hi and tell me they like the way the poison ivy compliments the petunias in my planter out front? No. I do not think they will. More likely than not, I will retrieve my paper from a puddle in the middle of the driveway.

If for some reason I find my paper carrier to be of exemplary character and exceedingly apt at paper delivery I may find myself compelled to tip at Christmas, perhaps. (If you're my paper carrier I wouldn't get your hopes up. It's not like I'm getting a paper everyday of the week here.)

Hair stylist If I like the way my hair looks and you didn't make me feel like I was wasting your time then yes I will tip you, but only $3 or $4 because I'm cheap.

Cabbie Unless you sped through traffic for me, gave me suggestions for a good place to eat or otherwise improved my day then no. No tip for you. I've paid for your gas and your time. Why should I tip?

Waitress I have a toddler. You can expect that I will always tip 20% even though I really don't want to. If you were really nice you may get more. If I want to make a point about how rude you were I will leave 10 -15% (isn't it strange that we feel like less is more insulting than leaving nothing at all... as if leaving nothing reflects badly on ourselves whereas a lower amount hopefully leaves an impression?)

Bartender You'd better hope my husband is ordering the drinks because unless you flipped the bottle over your head and generally re-enacted the scene from Cocktail, then I will never tip.

Okay, little rage vent there. Back to actually doing something with my day. :D